You're completely useless in the revolution.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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