I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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