I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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