I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
