He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
