So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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