I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
