So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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