She said her name was "party"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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