he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
