addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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