I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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