Already got asked if we're dating
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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