Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
