apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
