and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
