Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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