there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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