she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
