is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
