That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
