To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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