only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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