you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
