My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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