check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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