why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
