so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
