never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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