I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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