I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
