I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
