It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
