When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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