I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
