Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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