TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
