onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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