you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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