I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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