I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
