Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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