Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
