Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
