If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
