Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
