i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
