He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
