Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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