my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
