So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
