Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
